You may wonder why you would go to therapy alone when the trouble seems to live between you and someone else. It is a fair question. The pattern might show up with a partner, a parent, a close friend or a manager, and the other person may have no interest in talking about it.
This article sets out what individual therapy can reasonably offer, where its limits are, and what the research does and does not show. It cannot tell you what is happening in your own relationships. That takes a conversation with a clinician who has heard your situation.
Do people seek therapy for relationship problems?
Yes. The American Psychological Association (APA) lists relationship troubles alongside job loss, the death of a loved one and stress among the reasons people come to psychotherapy. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) names "relationship or family problems" as one reason people seek it, and says the work can "examine interactions with others and teach social and communication skills."
APA's 2012 resolution on the effectiveness of psychotherapy counts "problems of interpersonal adjustment" among the reasons people seek treatment, and describes therapy as designed, among other aims, to "promote adaptive functioning in work/school and relationships." That is a broad policy statement summarizing research across many conditions. It does not show that any one therapy changes any particular relationship pattern.
Many people come wondering whether their problem is serious enough. Signs you might need therapy covers that question more generally.
What can working on your own side of a pattern do?
A pattern usually involves more than one person, but you are the one who is present in every relationship you have. Individual therapy gives you room to look at what you tend to want from people, what you expect them to do, and how you react when those expectations seem to come true. Patterns like these are usually learned ways of protecting yourself, not flaws in your character.
Research gives some reason to think patterns are not fixed. A 2011 paper by Fraley and colleagues notes that recent research suggests people "hold distinct working models in different relationships," so the same person can feel secure with a friend and anxious with a partner. A 2012 review by Mikulincer and Shaver says "a growing body of research shows that attachment style can change, subtly or dramatically, depending on current context, recent experiences, and recent relationships."
A 2018 meta-analysis of 36 studies and 3,158 patients by Levy and colleagues adds two cautious findings. Improvements in attachment security during therapy "may coincide with better treatment outcome." And preliminary analyses suggest that people with low attachment security at the start "may find better treatment outcome in therapy that incorporates a focus on interpersonal interactions and close relationships." Both are associations. They do not show that therapy changes attachment style.
What does the research show, and where is it thin?
Less than you might hope. Most psychotherapy trials study a diagnosis, such as depression or anxiety, rather than relationship patterns. The research gathered for this guide found no trial of individual therapy whose main outcome was a person's relationship patterns, attachment style or relationship satisfaction. That includes psychodynamic and attachment-based therapy, the approach Dr. Rabin's page describes.
The closest evidence is indirect. A 2018 meta-analysis by McFarquhar and colleagues looked at interpersonal problems in adults having individual therapy for depression. Of 28 studies that met its criteria, 10 could be pooled, and interpersonal problems tended to lessen over brief treatment, with a large effect size. The authors call the results "preliminary," report wide variation between studies, and note that interpersonal problems are "infrequently included in outcome studies."
Writing about individual therapy for couple problems, Gurman and Burton (2014) observe that "many clients seeking help for couple problems ultimately find themselves in individual therapy for these concerns." They call it "this very important but largely neglected topic" and urge more research.
What can't individual therapy do?
It cannot change another person, and it does not hear from them. Gurman and Burton, who write from a couple therapy perspective, name five areas of concern: "structural constraints on change; therapist side-taking and the therapeutic alliance; inaccurate assessments based on individual client reports; therapeutic focus; and ethical issues relevant to both attending and nonattending partners."
Put plainly, your therapist knows the other person only through you, and only one of you is in the room. That is why Gurman and Burton list side-taking and assessments based on one person's report among their concerns. There is also no promise that a relationship will improve because you have changed. Other people make their own choices.
If what you are living with involves control, threats or fear, the question is a different one. Unhealthy or abusive? covers official warning signs and where to get confidential help in Massachusetts. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
How can the therapy relationship itself help?
In psychodynamic and attachment-based work, the relationship with the therapist becomes part of the material. The APA Dictionary of Psychology describes transference, in its broader meaning, as "an unconscious repetition of earlier behaviors and their projection onto new subjects," which it says "is acknowledged as applying to all human interactions." A pattern that shows up with a partner or parent can show up in the therapy room too, where it can be noticed as it happens and talked about.
Research on the working relationship supports paying attention to it, with limits. A 2018 meta-analysis by Flückiger and colleagues, covering 295 studies and more than 30,000 patients, found a consistent positive link between the alliance and outcome across many kinds of therapy. That is a correlation. It shows that a stronger working relationship goes along with better outcomes on average, not that it causes them.
How does Dr. Rabin approach relationship patterns?
Dr. Rabin offers individual therapy for relationship patterns. It is not couples or marriage counseling. Her approach is psychodynamic and attachment-based: tracing how early relationships shape present connections, and using the therapy relationship as a place to notice patterns as they happen and practice relating differently. Her page speaks of recurring conflict, trouble trusting, fear of abandonment or engulfment, losing yourself or people-pleasing, boundaries, communicating needs, and feeling lonely even when others are near.
She works with adults and college students, in person in Brookline and by secure telehealth anywhere in Massachusetts. A free consultation of about 15 minutes, requested through the contact page, is a chance to describe what keeps happening and ask whether individual work fits. If you are weighing it against couples counseling, see individual therapy or couples counseling.
Keep reading
Sources
- American Psychological Association, Understanding psychotherapy and how it works (updated December 12, 2023)
- National Institute of Mental Health, Psychotherapies (reviewed February 2024)
- American Psychological Association, Recognition of Psychotherapy Effectiveness (Council resolution, August 2012)
- Fraley et al., The Experiences in Close Relationships-Relationship Structures questionnaire: a method for assessing attachment orientations across relationships. Psychological Assessment (2011)
- Mikulincer and Shaver, An attachment perspective on psychopathology. World Psychiatry (2012)
- Levy et al., Adult attachment as a predictor and moderator of psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology (2018)
- McFarquhar et al., Changes in interpersonal problems in the psychotherapeutic treatment of depression as measured by the Inventory of Interpersonal Problems: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Affective Disorders (2018)
- Gurman and Burton, Individual therapy for couple problems: perspectives and pitfalls. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy (2014)
- APA Dictionary of Psychology, transference (updated 2018)
- Flückiger et al., The alliance in adult psychotherapy: A meta-analytic synthesis. Psychotherapy (2018)
- SafeLink, Massachusetts statewide domestic violence hotline (Casa Myrna)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline, home page (911 safety notice)
Last reviewed October 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis. If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.
