Last updated: October 21, 2026

How to Choose a Therapist for Relationship Issues

Reviewed by Rebecca Rabin, PsyD, MA license PSY8258

In short: First decide whether you want individual therapy or couples counseling, because they are different services. Then check that the person is licensed, ask how they work and what experience they have with problems like yours, and notice how the first conversation feels. Research links a stronger working relationship with better outcomes, though it cannot show cause.

Looking for a therapist when your relationships are the problem can feel strange. You may be asking a stranger to help with the very things you find hard: trusting, saying what you need, letting yourself be seen. That is not a reason to wait. It is a reason to choose with some care.

This page sets out what to decide, what to check and what to ask. It applies to any therapist you are considering, including Dr. Rabin.

Are you looking for individual or couples therapy?

Decide this first. The American Psychological Association suggests asking yourself: "Do you want to do psychotherapy by yourself, with your partner or spouse, or with your children?"

Individual therapy for relationship issues looks at your side of the patterns that repeat across partners, family, friends and colleagues. Couples therapy works with both partners together. Several couples methods exist, including emotionally focused couple therapy, integrative behavioral couple therapy and the Gottman method. A 2026 review of the research found that no couples model yet met the standard for strong empirical support, and that seven, including those three, showed modest support.

Dr. Rabin offers individual therapy for relationship patterns. She does not offer couples, marriage or family counseling. If couples work is what you want, look for a clinician who offers it. Individual therapy or couples counseling compares the two.

One exception matters. If a partner controls, threatens or hurts you, The National Domestic Violence Hotline says: "We at The Hotline do not encourage anyone in an abusive relationship to seek counseling with their partner. Abuse is not a relationship problem." You can reach SafeLink, Massachusetts' 24/7 domestic violence hotline, at (877) 785-2020, or The Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

What license should the therapist have?

A license in a mental health profession. The American Psychological Association notes that "Psychologists must be licensed by the state or jurisdiction in which they practice." In Massachusetts, "psychologist" is a title that only licensed people may use: state law sets a fine or imprisonment for anyone not licensed who uses it. That law says nothing about titles such as "therapist" or "counselor," so ask what license a person holds.

You can check a license yourself. The state's look-up at checkahealthlicense.mass.gov lets you "Verify any license, registration, or certification issued by the Bureau of Health Professions Licensure (BHPL)."

A license is the starting point. It does not tell you how much of a person's work is with relationship patterns.

What should you ask about approach and experience?

Ask how they work and why. The American Psychological Association notes that "most therapists don't tie themselves to any one approach," and that many blend elements and tailor them to each person. Approaches differ in where they look. Dr. Rabin's psychodynamic approach, for example, uses the therapy relationship itself as a place to notice patterns as they happen.

Be realistic about the research. A 2012 policy statement from the American Psychological Association says "different forms of psychotherapy typically produce relatively similar outcomes." The research behind this guide found no trial of individual therapy aimed specifically at relationship patterns. One review calls individual therapy for couple problems "this very important but largely neglected topic." So a therapist who claims one method has been shown to fix relationships is claiming more than the evidence supports. A good answer explains the approach and its limits plainly.

How much does fit matter?

The American Psychological Association treats it as important. It says that once credentials and competence are established, an important factor is "your level of personal comfort with that psychologist." A 2018 meta-analysis of 295 studies, covering more than 30,000 patients, found an overall correlation of r = .278, in face-to-face therapy, between the working relationship with the therapist and the outcome of therapy. That is an association across many kinds of therapy. It does not show that the relationship causes the improvement.

For relationship issues, fit has a twist. The pattern you came about may show up with the therapist, too. Feeling comfortable does not mean never feeling uneasy. It may help to ask yourself whether you could say so when something feels off. A 2018 meta-analysis of 11 studies found a moderate link between working through strains in the therapy relationship and better outcomes, again as a correlation.

What can you ask on a consultation call?

The first six questions come from the American Psychological Association's lists. The last three are this guide's own. You do not need to explain your whole situation. The APA says "It's enough to just say that you are interested in knowing more about psychotherapy."

Are you a licensed psychologist in the state where I live?
How many years have you been practicing?
Do you have experience helping people with symptoms or problems like mine?
What is your approach to treatment?
What are your fees, and do you have a sliding-scale fee policy?
What are your policies concerning things like missed appointments?
Do you work with individuals, couples or both?
If the pattern I am describing shows up between us, what would we do with it?
How will we judge whether this is helping?

For more ideas, see questions to ask a new therapist.

Where does Dr. Rabin fit?

Dr. Rabin is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 21 years of clinical practice and a PsyD from Rutgers. Her training in attachment theory comes through fellowships at the Massachusetts Institute for Psychoanalysis and work at The Trauma Center. Her background is on the about page. Her approach is psychodynamic and attachment-based, focused on patterns that repeat across partners, family, friends and colleagues, in college students and adults.

She sees clients at 1577 Beacon Street in Brookline and by secure telehealth anywhere in Massachusetts. Her fee is $375 per session, private-pay and out-of-network, with a monthly superbill and a sliding scale on request. Details are on the fees and insurance page. Every question above is fair to put to her during a free consultation of about 15 minutes, which you can request through the contact page.

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Sources

Last reviewed October 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis. If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does the therapist need to specialize in relationships?

The American Psychological Association does not say so, but it does suggest asking, "What experience do you have helping people with these types of problems?" Relationship patterns can overlap with anxiety, low mood, grief or old hurts, so experience across those areas can matter as much as a label. Ask how much of their work involves the kind of pattern you are dealing with.

Is it a bad sign if I feel uneasy with a new therapist?

Not necessarily. Some unease at the start can happen, and for people who find closeness hard it can be part of the pattern itself. What matters more is whether you can raise it. Research links working through strains in the therapy relationship with better outcomes, though the studies are few and correlational. If the unease stays, say so, or keep looking.

What if I start and it does not feel right?

You can say so, and you can change. The American Psychological Association suggests asking yourself, as you go, "whether the psychologist seems to understand you, whether the treatment plan makes sense, and whether you feel like you're making progress." If the answers stay no, raise it with your therapist or look elsewhere. 8 signs therapy is working describes what progress can look like.

Could my partner and I each see our own individual therapist?

Yes, people do. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy notes that in marital distress "it is often helpful for each partner to work with an individual therapist as well." That is a general statement, not a recommendation for your situation. Dr. Rabin sees individuals only, so she would not see both of you as a couple.

Ready to talk?

Dr. Rebecca Rabin, PsyD sees clients in person at 1577 Beacon Street in Brookline and by secure telehealth across Massachusetts. Start with a free 15-minute consultation to ask questions and see if it is a good fit. Read how individual relationship therapy in Brookline works.

Schedule a Free 15-Minute Phone Consultation