Most advice about questions for a therapist is about choosing one: their approach, their experience, session length and fees. Dr. Rabin covers those in 5 questions to ask before choosing a therapist in Brookline. This list picks up where that one ends. You have chosen someone and had a session or two. These are questions worth asking in the first few weeks.
The early sessions are a good time to understand how the work will go and to say what is on your mind about the process itself. A good therapist will welcome these questions. How they answer is also useful information about whether the fit is right.
1. "What do you make of what I've told you so far?"
Best for: Sessions 2 to 4
After a few sessions, a therapist has usually started to form a picture of what brought you in and how the pieces fit together. Asking to hear it lets you check that you have been understood and correct anything that is off. The picture will change over time, and that is expected.
2. "Where do you think we should start?"
Best for: Setting a shared focus
You may have come in with several concerns at once, such as sleep, a relationship and work stress. Asking where to begin helps you agree on a focus, and it shows whether the therapist wants to follow your lead, suggest a direction, or both.
3. "What should I do if I disagree with you or something you say bothers me?"
Best for: Building trust early
Many people find it hard to push back on a therapist. Asking this early makes it easier to raise later. In relational and psychodynamic work in particular, reactions to the therapist are useful material, not a problem to hide.
4. "Is it okay if I don't know what to talk about?"
Best for: People worried about silences
Some weeks you arrive with a lot to say, and some weeks you do not. Ask how your therapist likes to handle sessions that start slowly. Their answer will help you relax, and you may find that the quieter sessions lead somewhere unexpected.
5. "What are the limits of confidentiality?"
Best for: Knowing what stays private
Confidentiality is strong but not absolute. There are legal exceptions, such as serious risk of harm. You may also wonder about notes, a superbill you send to insurance, or a parent or partner who calls. Ask your therapist to explain their policy in plain language so you can speak freely.
6. "How do we reach each other between sessions, and what if I'm in crisis?"
Best for: Practical safety planning
Ask whether it is fine to call, text or email, what those messages should be used for, and how quickly you can expect a reply. Most private therapists are not an emergency service, so ask what they want you to do in a crisis. For any crisis you can call or text 988, and in an emergency, call 911.
7. "What happens if I need to cancel or miss a session?"
Best for: Avoiding surprises
Cancellation rules vary a lot, and a missed-session fee can feel personal if it comes as a surprise. Ask what the notice period is and how holidays, illness and vacations are handled on both sides.
8. "Is there anything you'd like me to do between sessions?"
Best for: Knowing how the approach works
Some approaches, such as CBT, often include exercises or tracking between sessions. Psychodynamic therapy usually does not, but many therapists welcome it if you notice dreams, reactions or patterns and bring them in. Asking makes it clear what is expected.
9. "How and when will we talk about ending?"
Best for: Thinking about the long view
It may feel early to ask, but knowing that ending will be a shared decision, talked through over time, can make it easier to commit now. Some people want a set number of sessions, and others prefer open-ended work. Say which one suits you.
How to bring these up
You do not need to ask them all at once. Pick one or two that matter most, or write them down and bring the list to your next session. It is fine to say, "I read a list of questions and wanted to ask you a few." If you are nervous about a question, that nervousness is worth mentioning too.
If you have not started yet, what to expect in your first therapy session explains how a first appointment usually goes. For a comparison of two common approaches, see psychodynamic vs. CBT therapy.
If the answers don't feel right
One awkward answer is not a reason to leave. Often the best next step is to say how the answer landed and see what happens. If you keep feeling unheard after several sessions, it is reasonable to talk about it openly or to look for a better fit. Dr. Rabin offers a free 15-minute phone consultation through her contact page.
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Last reviewed September 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.
