Attachment styles have become a common way to talk about relationships. People describe themselves or a partner as "anxious" or "avoidant" the way they might mention a star sign. The research behind those words is real and useful. It is also more careful, and more hopeful, than the labels suggest.
This article explains what attachment theory says, how researchers measure attachment in adults, what the evidence says about change, and why a quiz result is a poor guide to who you are. It does not sort you into a style, and it is not a way to assess anyone else.
Where does attachment theory come from?
It began with infants. The British psychoanalyst John Bowlby was trying to understand "the intense distress experienced by infants who had been separated from their parents," as psychologist R. Chris Fraley puts it. Bowlby noticed that separated infants would go to great lengths, crying, clinging and searching, to get back to a parent.
The American Psychological Association's (APA) dictionary describes attachment theory as proposing a need "to form close emotional bonds with significant others," and says these early relationships "have been shown to affect the individual's later emotional development and emotional stability." Mary Ainsworth later expanded the theory and devised the Strange Situation, a laboratory procedure for infants and young children up to age 2. It is not a test for adults.
What are the adult attachment styles?
The APA dictionary defines attachment style as "the characteristic way people relate to others in the context of intimate relationships." It lists four categories that are often used for adults: secure, preoccupied, dismissive and fearful. It also hedges: "Theoretically, the degree of attachment security in adults is related directly to how well they bonded to others as children."
Three broader words are also common. A 2018 meta-analysis notes that attachment patterns have been characterized as secure ("healthy interdependence with others"), anxious ("overdependence on others") and avoidant ("difficulty relying on others").
These words are descriptions used in research and theory. None of them is a diagnosis.
Are attachment styles types or a matter of degree?
Mostly a matter of degree, on current evidence. Attachment researchers Mario Mikulincer and Phillip Shaver write that attachment "can be measured in terms of two independent dimensions, attachment-related anxiety and avoidance." Each person sits somewhere on both.
Anxiety reflects "the degree to which he or she worries that a partner will not be available and responsive in times of need." Avoidance reflects how much a person "distrusts relationship partners' good will and strives to maintain behavioral independence, self-reliance, and emotional distance." People who score low on both "are generally secure."
A 2015 study tested whether people fall into natural groups. In two samples, individual differences "appear more consistent with a dimensional rather than a categorical model," although the authors note that categorical models are still widely used in research. Fraley's overview sums up where the field stands: "most researchers currently conceptualize and measure individual differences in attachment dimensionally rather than categorically." Four boxes simplify something that, on this evidence, varies by degree.
Can attachment change in adulthood?
Research suggests it can. Mikulincer and Shaver write that "a growing body of research shows that attachment style can change, subtly or dramatically, depending on current context, recent experiences, and recent relationships." Bowlby himself, they note, thought meaningful relationships in adolescence and adulthood could shift where a person sits on these dimensions.
A study that combined three long-term samples, 628 people aged 13 to 72, found that attachment anxiety "declined on average with age" and that avoidance decreased steadily across the life span. Being in a relationship predicted lower levels of both. These are group averages, not a forecast for one person.
There is stability too. A 2013 meta-analysis of 127 papers on attachment to parents, from infancy to early adulthood, found "a medium-sized stability of attachment security," but no significant stability over intervals longer than 15 years. Researchers are also candid about the gaps. Fraley writes that "we still don't have a strong understanding of the precise factors that may change a person's attachment style."
What can an online attachment quiz tell you?
Less than it seems to. Researchers measure adult attachment with questionnaires such as the Experiences in Close Relationships scale and its revised version, which score people on the two dimensions. Fraley, who helped develop the revised version, advises researchers against turning those scores into types: "I strongly recommend against classifying people on the basis of their continuous scores." He adds that "there is no RIGHT way to make these assignments because there are no 'real' types."
A quiz that hands you a single label throws away the detail the research depends on. It also cannot tell you how you relate with a particular person, at a particular time in your life. If a description in an article rings true, that can be a useful thing to notice. It is not a verdict.
The same caution applies to the people in your life. A style label is not a way to understand, or explain away, a partner, parent or friend.
Where does therapy fit in?
Dr. Rabin's individual therapy for relationship patterns is attachment-based and psychodynamic. She has training in attachment theory through the Massachusetts Institute for Psychoanalysis and The Trauma Center (more on her background). It traces how early relationships shape present ones and uses the therapy relationship itself as a place to notice patterns as they happen and practice relating differently. It is individual therapy, not couples counseling.
Research on attachment and therapy is early. A 2018 meta-analysis of 36 studies found that improvements in attachment security during therapy "may coincide with better treatment outcome," and that, in preliminary analyses, people with less secure attachment "may find better treatment outcome in therapy that incorporates a focus on interpersonal interactions and close relationships." The same analysis found that people who were more securely attached at the start of therapy tended to have better outcomes. These are associations, and the moderator findings are preliminary. A free consultation of about 15 minutes, requested through the contact page, is a place to ask whether this approach fits.
Keep reading
Sources
- Fraley, A Brief Overview of Adult Attachment Theory and Research. University of Illinois (2018)
- Fraley, Information on the Experiences in Close Relationships-Revised (ECR-R) Adult Attachment Questionnaire. University of Illinois
- APA Dictionary of Psychology, attachment theory
- APA Dictionary of Psychology, Strange Situation
- APA Dictionary of Psychology, attachment style
- Mikulincer and Shaver, An attachment perspective on psychopathology. World Psychiatry (2012)
- Fraley et al., Are adult attachment styles categorical or dimensional? A taxometric analysis of general and relationship-specific attachment orientations. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2015)
- Fraley et al., The Experiences in Close Relationships-Relationship Structures questionnaire: a method for assessing attachment orientations across relationships. Psychological Assessment (2011)
- Pinquart et al., Meta-analytic evidence for stability in attachments from infancy to early adulthood. Attachment & Human Development (2013)
- Chopik et al., Longitudinal changes in attachment orientation over a 59-year period. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2019)
- Levy et al., Adult attachment as a predictor and moderator of psychotherapy outcome: A meta-analysis. Journal of Clinical Psychology (2018)
- Filosa et al., A Comprehensive Scoping Review of Empirical Studies on Earned Secure Attachment. Psychological Reports (2026)
Last reviewed October 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice or a diagnosis. If you are in danger, call 911. If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988.
