A divorce, a new job, a move, a child leaving home, retirement or a new baby can all leave you feeling off balance, even when the change is one you wanted. On her life transitions therapy page, Dr. Rabin describes these moments as asking you to let go of one version of your life before the next one has fully taken shape. In that in-between space, old fears and old ways of coping often come back.
The ideas below are practical and in no particular order. They will not fix everything, and not every one will fit your situation. Take what helps.
1. Name the change, and name what is ending
Writer and consultant William Bridges drew a line between change, the outside event, and transition, the inner process of coming to terms with it. His model starts with endings, where people identify what they are losing. Putting it into words helps: not just "I moved," but "I left the neighborhood where my kids grew up and the friends I saw every week." Naming the loss can make it easier to deal with.
2. Expect mixed feelings, even about good news
A promotion can bring pride and dread. Retirement can bring relief and a strange emptiness. Many people are surprised to feel sad about a change they chose, and then feel guilty for being sad. Mixed feelings are normal. They do not mean you made the wrong choice. Letting both feelings be true usually takes less energy than arguing with one of them.
3. Keep a few anchors steady
When much of your life is in motion, a few fixed points help. That might be a regular wake-up time, a weekly call with a friend, a walk you take most days or a standing appointment. Anchors do not need to be big. They give your days some shape while the larger picture is still unclear, and they are easier to keep than a whole new routine.
4. Give yourself room to grieve what you are leaving
Almost every transition includes a loss, even a happy one: an old role, a place, a daily rhythm or a version of yourself. People often skip this part because the loss does not seem "big enough" to grieve. It can help to mark the ending in some way, such as a last visit, a letter you do not send or a conversation about what the old chapter meant. If the change involves a death or a serious loss, see Dr. Rabin's page on grief and loss therapy.
5. Allow for an in-between period
Bridges called the stretch after an ending the neutral zone: a time when the old is gone but the new is not yet working. It can feel aimless or anxious. His firm's site described it as the time when "the critical psychological realignments and repatternings take place." Knowing that this middle stretch is a normal part of change can make it easier to tolerate, rather than a sign that something has gone wrong.
6. Pace your decisions
Big changes tend to arrive in clusters, and it is tempting to fix everything at once. Where you can, separate the decisions that must be made now from the ones that can wait. Break large choices into smaller steps you can test. A person who has just retired, for example, might try a few volunteer roles for a season before committing to one.
7. Let people help, and tell them how
Friends and family often want to help but do not know what you need. Be specific: a meal, a ride, company on moving day, or someone who will simply listen without offering advice. Transitions can also shrink your social circle, as when you leave a job or a campus, so it can be worth making one new connection on purpose, such as a class, a group or a neighbor.
8. Look after the basics
Sleep, food, movement and time outside are usually the first things to slip when life is unsettled, and losing them makes everything else harder. You do not need a wellness plan. Aim for good enough: a regular bedtime most nights, one real meal a day and some movement. These basics keep your reserves up while you work through the bigger questions.
9. Notice old patterns that come back
Dr. Rabin has found that how hard a transition hits is rarely only about the transition. It is shaped by earlier experiences of change, loss and uncertainty. If you notice yourself withdrawing, overworking, people-pleasing or reacting more strongly than the situation seems to call for, that may be an older pattern waking up. Getting curious about it, rather than critical, is often where real understanding starts.
When to consider talking to someone
Many transitions settle with time and support. It may be worth talking with a therapist if you still feel stuck or low after several months, if the change has stirred up old grief or anxiety, if you are having trouble sleeping or working, or if you keep making the same choices you hoped to leave behind. You do not need to be in crisis. Dr. Rabin's post on signs you might benefit from therapy lists a major life transition as one of seven reasons people come in.
Dr. Rabin works with professionals, parents, college and graduate students, and retirees going through change, in person in Brookline and by telehealth anywhere in Massachusetts. Her approach is psychodynamic, drawing on CBT and mindfulness as well, and aims to help you understand why a particular change feels so unsettling. You can read more on her life transitions therapy page or book a free 15-minute phone consultation through the contact page. For students, see Dr. Rabin's page on therapy for college students in Boston.
If you are in crisis, call or text 988. In an emergency, call 911.
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Last reviewed September 2026. This guide is general information, not medical advice. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911 in an emergency.
